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感觉批改的问题?!

批改进阶

162 学分

2015-01-04 12:16:37 来自: Mamsds 和他聊聊 楼主

我的订单编号是:25421

想着过来看看评分,就提交了那种只给分不批改类型的批改。

结果从几个方面感觉批改人不负责任,随手打分:

(1)反馈贴了一大段!!!明显是粘贴的!虽然我是只给分,你可以不写或者简单写一两行嘛!贴一大段是什么意思?!!

(2)所有分项分数都是3,难道我就这么平均吗?不说结构、意思,语法方面总归是没什么问题的吧。感觉他是随手写的;

(3)总分是5.5。以往考雅思,作文现场写的,毫无修改。最低都是六分。这次我写了,然后还花了一个多小时找学校的(专职)外教修改。结果只有5.5,感觉也是随手打的。

附:题目和作文......

Sometimes people are rejecting a job opportunity due to their age or other circumstances. Is it a negative or a positive approach? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

    Nowadays, citizens have a lot of opportunities to find a job. Some people may refuse their job offers because of their special conditions. Whether their rejections is beneficial or detrimental remains unclear. I hold the view that both acceptance and rejections have advantages so people should make decisions about their employment after rational consideration.
    Accepting a promising job is conducive to individuals' career, so job hunters don’t need to think too much about their circumstances.  People can pursue a new kind of job no matter how old they are. Because after hard working or training, elderly people can be excellent employees and produce good results just like their younger counterparts. Nationality should not be a restriction of jobs, either. Although working in a foreign country may be harder than in one's native country. By working abroad, people can gain cross-cultural awareness, and experience the wealth of the world's different traditions.  
    Admittedly, prospective employees should consider the quality of a job and physical and emotional costs it might exact. For example, choosing a job, whose working places are 30 kilometers away from your home, is not a reasonable idea no matter how high the salary is.  Because it will not only reduce you leisure time significantly, but also make you exhausted by long-commuting time. Furthermore, physically demanding jobs could be too difficult for people who are weak or old.
    In conclusion, I believe that pursuing a good career should not be restricted by any irrelevant circumstance but several necessary factors should be carefully evaluated before making a wise choice.


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批改老师

100699 学分

2015-01-07 17:23:11 来自: koopigai 和他聊聊 沙发

Mamsds,你好,首先非常抱歉给你造成困惑.

我们特意查了一下你这篇只给分的作文,如果是说该老师不负责任,确实有点冤...

我们非常了解这位老师,她一直很用心,并且不惜在每篇作文上花费特别长的时间来给同学们写反馈,

她辅导的学生不到一月时间内雅思写作提升了2.5分,我看到她在反馈里说到你的作文虽然使用了非常丰富的词汇,

但是很多表达仍然是中式英文,所以虽然反馈很长,但并不是复制粘贴,还是根据你的作文存在的问题所做的反馈和建议指导。希望可以花些时间再研究一下,一定对你有帮助的!如果还有任何问题,可以随时站内私信管理员:koopigai


附反馈:

Hello,

Welcome back – it’s lovely to have you here once again. As is customary, I’ll begin by commending you on a very good effort. However, as always, there is still some room for improvement.


First of all, I'd like to once again mention the importance of good grammar. The more grammar errors there are in your essay the lower the band – it’s as simple as that. Please note band 7 requires ‘frequent error-free sentences’ and band 8 calls for ‘the majority of sentences to be error–free’. In my experience those who get band 7 and band 8 are familiar and comfortable with English grammar. So if you have any doubts at all about your grammar then you really need to work hard at it. So, how else can you improve your grammar? Aside from the obvious - which is, of course, working hard on grammar exercises and reading more, there is another way to help boost your score. The intelligent approach to IELTS writing is to understand how it is marked. Many candidates make mistakes that they could avoid because they do not fully understand the 4 IELTS writing band scores. The main idea is that Task Response, Lexical Resource, Coherence and Cohesion and Grammatical Range and Accuracy all count for 25%. One problem is that system is not universal – meaning that many IELTS candidates come from systems where writing is marked differently. For example, here on 51pigai the scoring is divided into six categories. This is because it helps give the students a better indication of what areas require further work. So, let’s get back to our original question. Grammatical range and accuracy is perhaps the most misunderstood grading criterion in IELTS writing. The clue is in the name: it is not enough to not make mistakes (accuracy); you also need to use a variety of grammatical structures (range). Too often candidates focus only on the mistakes.

Accuracy of grammar: Accuracy is not a simple idea and it can be thought about in 2 ways.

How many mistakes: One key here is to understand that examiners look at how many error-free sentences you write. For example, to get band 7, you need to be able to write “frequent” error free sentences. This means that basic grammar such as articles, which you need for every sentence, is very important.

What kind of mistakes: Not all mistakes are equal. The basic rule is that you need to be more accurate with simple grammar than complex grammar. For example, to get band 5 in the writing, you need to attempt more complex structures, but these do not have to be as accurate as simple structures.

Range of grammar: This is as important as accuracy. It is important to use not just a range of structures, but also to use more complex structures too. It is important to understand that this grammar is not just about tenses, but also about how you organize your sentences.


Two suggestions for more complex grammar:

1. ‘If’ clauses are very useful for explaining and giving examples.

2. Relative clauses (who/that/which/when etc) will also impress the examiner and are a good example of more complex grammar.


Secondly, there were quite a number of errors in word formation and usage. I find your writing a little odd. In some places, you demonstrate a broad vocabulary, but in others your phrasing seems to be a little “Chinglish” still. This is unfortunate, as I think this type of poor phrasing can lead the reader to believe that you have not fully understood the question. Therefore, to better prepare for IELTS, you must make English vocabulary a strong focus of study. This can be accomplished in various ways. Most importantly, you must become an avid reader of all sorts of material – - fiction, non-fiction, newspapers, magazines, and the internet. Try to read at least one English language article every day. Feel free to explore any subject you desire; however there are some areas which may be more relevant than others. For example, some of the most popular topics in IELTS currently are: environment, education, crime, terrorism, travel and immigration. So whenever possible, I recommend that you read some articles or stories related to these topics. Pay special attention to their use of idioms, grammatical structures, and words that are unfamiliar. Working on your writing skills is incredibly important also. Write much and often. Keep a journal or diary in English, and use it not only to record your experiences, but to practice using words that you are not as familiar with. There are many tools that are especially helpful for those preparing to take the IELTS. These include dictionaries, encyclopedias, thesauri, maps, and other reference materials. In addition, you may find it helpful to read some sample answers.


Thirdly, I feel that your writing could benefit from the addition of some transitional phrases. Please note one of the criteria for assessing your essay is a clear coherent and cohesive structure. Coherence refers to the linking of ideas in a logical sequence or order. Cohesion refers to the organization of sentences and ideas in your essay working together as a whole within their paragraphs. They hold together by cohesive devices (transitional words and expressions). This makes it very easy for the reader to follow your presentation of information in the essay. They don’t get lost or confused. Here are some useful transitional/linking words and phrases to use to show the different relationships between your ideas and sentences:

ADDITION: • also, again, in addition, additionally, furthermore, further, moreover, as well as, what’s more, besides this/that,

CONTRAST (show two things are different): • on the other hand, however, despite this, conversely, in contrast, on the contrary, although, while, though, compared with, in comparison with, rather, whereas, but, instead of, in spite of, still, nevertheless, regardless, otherwise.

COMPARE (show two things are similar/alike): • likewise, similarly, also, in the same way, in comparison to.

SEQUENCE: • first, second (etc.), to begin with, initially, at first, then, next, from there, and then, following this, finally, lastly.

EXAMPLES: • for example, for instance, a good example of this is, such as, to illustrate, in particular, particularly, namely, specifically.

CONSEQUENCE: • therefore, as a result, thus, so, consequently, admittedly, so that, depending on.

EMPHASIS/CERTAINTY: • indeed, certainly, in fact, of course, undoubtedly, plainly, obviously,

CONDITION: • if. . . then, unless, whether, provided that,

SUMMARY: • in summary, in conclusion, overall, in short, in brief, to sum up, in other words, all in all, to put it differently, to summarize, on the whole,

REASON: • because, since, as, so, due to, owing to, the reason why.

CONCESSION (accepting/acknowledging something is true): • granted, naturally, of course.

This is not a complete list and of course, many words can link ideas in different ways depending on how they are used.


*NOTE: It’s important to not overuse so many linking words in your essays because it makes it even more difficult to read, rather than making it smooth and easy to read. So choose a few carefully when you write and make sure you don’t overuse these phrases.


Finally, I'd like to bring something to your attention. You submitted this essay under the Task 1 category; however it is clearly a Task 2 essay. Therefore, please be aware that some of the marking criteria are different, for example the 'organization & structure' aspect etc. I have marked it as a Task 2 essay though, so no need to worry. Just please be aware of this in future. It is important to correctly label and identify your work. If you make this type of error in the exam you WILL be penalized.


I hope that you find this helpful. Keep up the hard work & good luck!

批改进阶

162 学分

2015-01-08 10:37:10 来自: Mamsds 和他聊聊 藤椅

Mamsds,你好,首先非常抱歉给你造成困惑. 我们特意查了一下你这篇只给分的作文,如果是说该老师不负责任,确实有点冤... 我们非常了解这位老师,她一直很用心...koopigai

那你就说说所有分项分数都是三,总分5.5,这个结果你认为是否合理吧。

如果说总分5.5还能说是合理的话,语法方面的3分毫无道理。就算意思上不能达到雅思标准,语法上我认为肯定不只是拿到60%的分数。

请问你觉得,这确实是一个老师经过比较(就不说相当了)认真的阅读给出的恰好的、精确的四个3分吗?!

批改进阶

162 学分

2015-01-08 10:40:00 来自: Mamsds 和他聊聊 板凳

Mamsds,你好,首先非常抱歉给你造成困惑. 我们特意查了一下你这篇只给分的作文,如果是说该老师不负责任,确实有点冤... 我们非常了解这位老师,她一直很用心...koopigai

说错了,是整整六个三分!!加一个总评3分!!

批改老师

100699 学分

2015-01-08 15:00:41 来自: koopigai 和他聊聊 报纸

那你就说说所有分项分数都是三,总分5.5,这个结果你认为是否合理吧。 如果说总分5.5还能说是合理的话,语法方面的3分毫无道理。就算意思上不能达到雅思标准,语法...Mamsds

感谢再次的反馈。因这篇作文是只给分所以没有标出语法这块出了什么问题,但是老师评了3分一定是在她批改过那么多作文后综合判断认为这篇作文还会有很多进步空间:)

另一方面,虽然其他项也评了3分,但每一个3分的分值是不一样的,最后的总分是按严格的数据模型换算出的,比如语法得了3分,但却只占15%分值。

虽然这是一篇给分作文没有免费向老师提问的机会,但如果同学还是对这篇作文有疑问,我们愿意帮您跟该老师联系,解开彼此的误解,老师也真诚希望得到学生们的认可,你可以把要向老师提问的问题私信:koopigai,我们帮您转交给该老师:)

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